WARNING! Kind of explicit, maybe a little TMI, but I gotta get things off my chest.
He wanted some tonight and I guessed I should give it to him. It is our 14th anniversary after all. God, it took a full three or four minutes just to get it in I was that unenthusiastic. I just lay there like a blow up doll with my face covered. Oh, and my saggy stretch marked belly too. It’s all I am really, all I feel like. A blow up doll and a paycheck, oh yea, and a pain in the ass. I can’t even pretend to feel anything anymore. I’m so utterly hopeless and lonely. Afterword I sat on the toilet quietly crying. He tossed me a towel. Eventually I got up and got into bed with my back to him. The sadness keept welling up and overflowing out my eyes. I tried to breathe as steady as possible so as not to sob. But it didn’t matter anyway. He fell asleep quickly. Completely oblivious. I wonder if I’ll ever feel the fire of love again?
JETTE 